Good evening dear friends and loved ones. I'll have to apologize right off the front end for being absent. I truly have no real excuse. Unless the hurting and longing in my heart can be an excuse. It's about the best I can come up with. But when the heart aches for things that will never ever be again, it's hard to soothe. I've never known times to be quite like they are and have been for a while. I've never seen the hearts of humanity as full of bitterness and evil as much as we're seeing now and have seen for quite a while. I have remained silent, because I didn't feel I had anything to say that would be uplifting at all. And to be honest, I may not now. I'll just have to see how the Lord directs my heart and mind in this matter. I pray that He will give me some clarity and if I can't get clarity, then I will trust Him for peace in the midst of the storm.
I don't have any say over anything. All I can do is try to protect how I respond to everything. Sometimes, I let the devil throw me for a loop. I take my eyes off Jesus and see what the devil is doing. That's all on me and that's why I said I try to protect how I respond to everything. My reactions can be very damaging to my witness and walk in this life. That's truly the only thing I have that's mine and the Lord's and I don't want to be an embarrassment to Him. I also don't want my weakness to cause another person to sin or struggle. And, I don't want my shame and weakness to be the thing that someone uses to judge Christ as unworthy, because of my actions, deeds or words. I'm still just a struggling, sinning sack of flesh and bones. I'm saved by the grace of God and the blood of my Savior, Jesus Christ, but I still sin. I'm not proud of that. I struggle with sin every day of my life. Sometimes it's the thoughts I have. Sometimes it's the things I say. Sometimes it's lack of empathy for my fellow human being. Sometimes it's the things I do. Other times it's the things I don't do. If I didn't put enough emphasis on the fact that I struggle with sin on a daily basis, well I do!!!!! I'm very ashamed to admit that, but Jesus knows it, because we talk about daily and yet, I still struggle.
I wish I had answers for all my heart aches. I know as I type this that I'm not the only person in this dilemma. And I'm sorry that I don't have the answers. But, I believe Jesus does have all the answers. I'll probably never talk to any one who reads this in person, so this will probably be as close as it gets for us to communicate, so let me just say that if you don't know Him, now would be a good time to draw near to Him. There have been several times in my life that I've asked God to break my heart for the things that break His heart. When I'm serious about it, He shows me what breaks His heart. And it's very painful to look at what He shows me knowing "this breaks God's heart". There is a lot of stuff going on that is breaking His heart. I see it, but there's not a lot that I can do about, other than give it back to Him and that's what I do. You see, we live in a time in which the battle is between darkness against light. Darkness doesn't want it's sin exposed to light. Light brings clarity of eyes and minds. Darkness allows us to stumble around and sin and wallow in it and sin more. Light exposes sin and filth and rancor and rot. Every time we turn the tv or or listen to the news, we see darkness and when someone wants to expose that darkness to light and truth, then war rages on. To be honest, I've seen about all I can stand. I've lost all hope in humanity. I see continually how people are sold out to the devil. They willfully do his work. They happily serve their evil master. Thankfully, my hope is in the Lord. So, I keep leaning in to Him closer and closer every day.
I have decided that this world is not my home, I'm just passing thru. And with each passing day, I long for Beulah Land, Sweet Beulah Land. While I long for heaven, I realize I still have to live in this life that God has blessed me with. So, to the best of my ability I will keep relying on Jesus to help me make thru each day. Study His word and lean in to Him. Those are the two things that I would suggest to you to help you make in this world too. We have to keep serving Him till He brings us home. And He will bring us home, be rest assured in that.
I love watching the Gaither Homecoming Videos and this afternoon I watched the latest one that came out this weekend. It was on youtube and it was about Heaven and the longing that Christians have for home. I wept like a baby because it was what I needed. I needed to see people that love the Lord singing about going home to Him someday and how joyful that event will be, if we know Him. The bible says that every tear is counted. I shed a bucket full at least and there's still 3 or 4 buckets to go. I can't stop crying. I've reached my breaking point and something broke. I don't really think it needs to be fixed. I think I need to let Jesus get me thru this and not look back on for a long time. I'll never be the same. But hopefully I will be a better me than I've ever been. If I'm not, don't blame Jesus, blame me. Don't hold anything about me against my Savior. He's righteous, He's worthy, He's honorable. I'm none of those things, so blame me, not Him.
I don't know what else to say. I don't know if I should have even said what I did, but it's here, for better or worse. I will say that Jesus loves you and wants to be in a right relationship with you. It's the best relationship you'll ever be in. I can promise you that.
One of the things that was said in the Gaither Homecoming Video that I seen today was, "I'll see you at the House". I loved that so much. So, as I leave you this evening, let me say that God loves you and so do I. love, hugs, and blessings and "I'll see you at the House y'all!" patty
